The Mayor – There Will Be No Miracles Here (2013)


In my youth I once started some trouble with some guys outside of the local metal club.  Three of the hairiest, meanest looking bastards I’ve ever seen in my life came outside and proceeded to beat the shit out of me in the street.  There may or may not have been a metal pole involved.  They might even have been whacking me with my own safety boot.  Hell, there may even have been a tennis racket.

I took the ass-kicking of my young life that night.  Listening to The Mayor’s There Will Be No Miracles Here felt much the same way.  I felt assaulted; like my senses had just been rushed in a dark alley somewhere and somebody was wailing on me with a trash-can lid.

At one stage I think I even saw my sound-system start melting.

But you know what?  When the three hairy, mean bastards finally walked away, I kinda propped myself up on the sidewalk and produced from my jacket pocket – a rather crooked cherry cigar.  Shoeless, bruised, bleeding, rather humiliated – I smoked that bitch right there, and everything was okay again.

In much the same way, The Mayor have the same effect on you.  The riffs are insane, and then tasty.  Mike Abiuso’s vocals tear you a new one, and then they pull you back up to your feet.  From ‘There Will Be Blood’ to the guest vocals of fellow The Gay Blades band mate  James Wells on ‘Fuck Like You Mean It’ – shit gets real in a hurry, and it’s damn marvelous.

It’s a great EP, if this is your kind of thing (and even if it isn’t) and I hear that they are currently recording a full album.  Perfect to get you all amped up before a long night, to pump some adrenaline into your veins and probably increase your beard-length by a couple of inches.  I look forward to hearing what sense-assaulting, brain melting stuff they come up with next.

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